3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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