I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
