We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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