JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
