i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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