In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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