did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
