Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
