I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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