You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
