I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
