Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
