I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm really busy with my period
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