Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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