STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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