Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
