I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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