i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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