I cannot find my penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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