omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
