Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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