Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
