I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
