Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize