so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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