you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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