Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
