she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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