How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
