What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
