you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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