Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
