I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
