Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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