I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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