i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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