hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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