she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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