i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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