Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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