I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
