if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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