3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
