I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
