Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
