when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
