So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
