My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
