Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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