I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's never too late to be topless.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
