i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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