don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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