people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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