Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
