Me too!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
