my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
