I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
