Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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