It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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