dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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