some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
