Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
