And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
