The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
