3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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