me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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