I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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