The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
