dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize