He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize