There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
