So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
