How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize